Veterans come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and ethnicities. From the Tuskegee Airmen and Navajo Code Talkers to the veterans of Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan, they protect others and often give up large sections of their lives during their military service.
Many civilians often want to say “Thank you for your service” to veterans to show their appreciation. However, that phrase makes some veterans feel uncomfortable.
Why Does ‘Thank You for Your Service’ Make Some Veterans Uneasy?
So why do some veterans not like to hear “Thank you for your service”? Many veterans just feel like they just did their job and got paid for it. They may have joined the military for a steady paycheck, for education, or for an idealistic goal such as patriotism or the preservation of freedom.
But servicemembers – and their families – make many sacrifices. Where servicemembers live and work depends upon their leadership. They may have to move frequently due to a permanent change of station (PCS), either within the U.S. or to another country.
Servicemembers can also miss holidays, certain milestones and birthdays. Other sacrifices include hobbies as well as physical and mental health.
Other Ways to Thank Veterans for Their Service This Veterans Day
Many veterans that I have spoken to say that while they might not crave public recognition, they also don’t want to be completely anonymous, either. So how can we help destroy that anonymity?
Ever wondered what draws someone to military service? Start there. Ask, “What inspired you to join the military, and how did you land in your branch?” It’s a simple way to get the conversation rolling, and you’ll probably hear some fascinating stories.
Follow up with questions such as “What was your role?” and “What part of the job gave you the most pride?” Every servicemember has at least one thing they’re proud of, and you’ll get a glimpse of what kept them motivated during long days.
“How was your training?” is a great question, too. Boot camp is a crash course in discipline, leadership and learning to function on very little sleep. Usually, it’s packed with stories that are both brutal and hilarious.
Speaking of stories, you can also lighten things up with, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you in uniform?” If they trust you, you might get a tale or two involving pranks, drill instructors or military jargon gone wrong.
There’s also the big one: “Was the food as bad as people say?” (Spoiler: It probably was. But sometimes, misery makes for the best memories.)
Ask about their favorite parts of military life: “What were some of the things you really enjoyed?” If they were deployed, dig into what made each one unique. Consider using questions such as, “If you had multiple deployments, how were they different?” and “What did you enjoy about being deployed?”
If they served overseas, ask, “What surprised you most about being stationed abroad?” You’d be amazed how much of military life is about adapting to the unexpected, whether it’s learning local customs, navigating language barriers or just figuring out where to find decent coffee in a combat zone.
The Questions You Should Not Ask Any Veteran
There are a few questions that should never leave your lips, unless you’re aiming to make things awkward or uncomfortable. Skip anything that drags veterans back to dark places, like:
- “Did you ever kill anyone?”
- “See any dead bodies?”
- “What was the worst thing you saw?”
- “Do you have PTSD?”
- “Did you see any action?”
- “How could you leave your family for so long?”
These types of questions are personal landmines. Even if you’re just curious, they can feel intrusive or disrespectful, especially if the veteran isn’t in the mood to unpack those experiences.
The Best Way to Say ‘Thank You’: A Recommendation by Veterans
This Veterans Day – and every day – the greatest way to show respect to veterans is simple: get to know them. Ask thoughtful questions, listen without judgment and show genuine interest in their experiences.
It’s not about prying; it’s about forming connections. Veterans carry stories that shape who they are; by listening, you honor the sacrifices they made along the way.
After all, the real reward isn’t just saying “Thank you for your service” to veterans. It’s understanding what that military service really meant.
So how should you thank veterans for their service? I asked veterans this question, and many of them said: “VOTE!” Become familiar with veterans’ issues and take the time to vote on Election Day.
Another option is volunteering. There are many wonderful organizations founded to help current servicemembers and veterans.
Expressions like “Thank you for your service” and other societal norms that encourage a simplified view of military service and war can hinder meaningful conversations. These conventions often prevent veterans from engaging in the deeper discussions they need, not only for their own well-being but also for the benefit of their peers.
But this Veterans Day, consider reaching out to some veterans and just talking with them. You’ll definitely hear some good stories, and by listening actively, you could be providing more help to veterans than you think.
